Inconsolable……Why death can hurt so much!!

Elizabeth Badejo

The death of a spouse whom you have shared your life with may never make sense to you irrespective of the years spent together or cause of death. The pain of losing a beloved spouse can be so agonising that only you alone can feel the hurt of this deep and compulsive loss.

Some people grieve and get back to living their normal lives again after the mourning period while others struggle to get their lives back together as life becomes  gloomy.

Studies have shown that bereavement is considered the most intense stress a person can experience after the death of a spouse. This can be attributed to certain psychological effects such as guilt, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety and solitude. A severe emotional pain can cause physical damage to the heart which can significantly increase the risk of a heart attack.

To cry or not to cry

Every individual grieves in his/her own peculiar way and for different reasons too. The extent of one’s grief can sometimes be connected to the cause of death and relationship with the spouse. The most familiar way to grieve is to cry and relate the experience of your loss to sympathisers in order to feel a sense of relief  but on the other hand, excessive crying can also be harmful in the long term.

Coping with your grief by holding back your feelings as a sign of resilience can also be detrimental to your health. When you restrain your grief within your heart, you are more likely to experience a broken heart due to the intense emotions, pains and trauma battling together within.

A little more time

After your spouse’s death, it is not unusual for you to feel a sense of guilt and wished you had been able to do more to help the situation depending on the nature of death. Perhaps you took time for granted and didn’t get the chance to spend those last days together or you just completely got preoccupied with your busy life without taking time out to feel the pains your spouse might have been going through during the trying  period.

You may also have been dealing with certain marital challenges which you had left  unresolved before the sudden death of your spouse. This can be very disheartening for you especially if you were honestly planning to reconcile your differences before this tragedy. It is absolutely normal to mourn.

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